Episode 1:20 - Triggers, How to Avoid and Deal with Them
Triggers exist from previous marriages, childhood trauma and just living life. In this episode, we discuss how we have been able to navigate triggers, sometimes successfully sometimes not so much. Find out how to handle triggers, avoid them and recover from them.
Triggers exist from previous marriages, childhood trauma and just living life. In this episode, we discuss how we have been able to navigate triggers, sometimes successfully sometimes not so much. Find out how to handle triggers, avoid them and recover from them.
Triggers
- Pavlov's Dogs - Ring a bell and they salivate.
- A trigger is an intense, emotional reaction to a present behavior that reminds you of something painful from your past.
- Triggers can be words, facial expressions, smells, music, sounds, etc...
- When Paige goes silent Darren gets worried.
- When Darren is late that is a trigger for Paige
- Paige needs to know 100% of the truth. No vagueness.
- Internet use in the middle of the night.
- Biggest emotion from a trigger is fear.
- FEAR - False Evidence Appearing Real
- Some common fears are:
- Feeling like you're not enough or unworthy
- Not feeling safe emotionally or physically
- Feeling left out or abandoned
- Feeling misunderstood or invalidated
- Feeling disrespected or criticized
You Triggered
- Normally our minds go to completely irrational places based on history that we have had in the past.
- We have feelings of insecurity, fear, doubt, anger.
- It seems to happen instantaneously.
- This might lead to saying the wrong thing. Placing your spouse in an unrealistic environment for failure.
- What should you do when triggered:
- You should first recognize you have been triggered.
- Tell your spouse that you have been triggered. "That was a trigger for me".
- Calm down and try and be rational.
- Tell your spouse what triggered you.
- Remember who you are talking to and give them the benefit of the doubt.
- What if your trigger is justified, a warning sign of bad behavior, or protection.
Your Spouse Triggered
- Identify what triggers your spouse. Don't do it.
- Calm down first.
- Talk to them rationally after they have been triggered.
- Talk to them about what caused the trigger. Talk openly about how to avoid the trigger in the future.
- Remind them that you are not your ex-spouse and that your behavior is not a precursor to other things.
- Change the words, music, facial expression, smell, whatever the trigger was to avoid it from happening again.
Funny Moment of the Week
We had a family reunion this last week and with two days left the power went out in our remote cabin in Southern Utah. No hot showers and no internet meant we had to spend time talking to each other. :)
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