Where's the Lemonade? | #4.8 Selfishness in Marriage

April 7, 2022 • 41 Minutes

#4.8 Selfishness in Marriage

This week Darren & Paige explore selfishness in Marriage with a quiz. Are you selfish in your marriage? Is your marriage about you or about your spouse?

Are you selfish???

We are all selfish, right? Especially before marriage. We only have ourselves to think about. What do I want to eat? What do I want to spend my money on? What music or show do I watch?
After marriage, those I's have to become we(s)...This might be harder for some than others. You have to now think of someone else and merge your lives with compromises and solutions that work for you.
Obvious signs of selfish behavior: It's all about you! Think you are better than your spouse. Controlling. Don't give or share. Will not compromise. Blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong. Forgiving is difficult. Think that your spouse's feelings matter less than yours. Competing.
Harmful effects of selfishness: Creates hurt feelings and resentment. Communication issues. Arguing. Prevents you from thinking the best about your spouse. Doesn't build trust. Marriage will become stagnant.

How to Overcome Selfishness in marriage

1. Be responsible and admit you are selfish.
2. Communicate with your spouse about your selfish behavior. Find a balance where you can compromise and decide who gets to pick what.
3. Change your mindset. Start thinking as WE, not I. Ask yourself, Is this what is best for both of us rather than just me?
4. Be patient.
5. Don't blame your spouse for everything they do. You are a team. Work on bringing out the best in each other.
6. Serve your spouse. How can you help your spouse today? What can I do to make my spouse's life easier today?

Remember you cant change anyone but yourself

Work on you and keep the communication open about what YOU are learning.
Improve yourself, and if you are happy, your spouse will follow.
Thinking of your needs and standing up for your morals or values is not selfish; it's what makes you who you are.
You also have to stand up for your actual needs, like time alone. You don't want to lose yourself in your marriage.
Self-care is not selfish, but DO NOT TAKE IT TOO FAR!!!

Quiz:

Questions and Answers

1. How often do you tell your lover about what they should do?
- A. All the time
- B. Only sometimes
- C. Very rarely
- D. Never
2. Do you accept your mistake after fighting with your partner?
- A. Yes
- B. No
- C. Only when I am at fault
- D. Sometimes when the fight is too big.
3. Do you have the habit of dominating your partner?
- A. Yes, because I enjoy it.
- B. Only sometimes when I get jealous.
- C. I think dominating the partner is not at all a good thing.
- D. No, I never want to control my relationship.
4. Are you happy being a selfish lover?
- A. Yes, I love it.
- B. I'm not a selfish lover
- C. Not at all!
- D. I like it sometimes
5. Do you have the habit of deciding the place to go on dates?
- A. Yes, because I like doing it.
- B. I pick the dating place sometimes.
- C. No, I don't have this habit.
6. Suppose that you have a strong desire to have sex but your partner doesn't. What will you do?
- A. Compel my partner to have sex anyway
- B. Try to seduce my partner
- C. Drop the plan because having their consent is equally important
- D. Wait for my partner to come in the mood.
7. Do you like listening to your partner's opinion?
- A. Yes, of course!
- B. Most of the times
- C. No, I don't pay much attention to their opinion.
- D. I prefer ignoring their ideas because they are never good.
8. Do you have the habit of putting your needs before your partner?
- A. Yes
- B. Not at all!
- C. Sometimes I do like that.
- D. I always put the needs of my partner first.
9. Are you empathic towards your partner?
- A. Yes, of course!
- B. Most of the times
- C. No
- D. I was empathic earlier but not now.

Lemonade Moment of the Week

Darren & Paige get fleas at the two youngest boys swim meet.

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